There can be many reasons why people become perfectionists. The origins of this predisposition can go back to childhood, where their parents bestowed great expectations and set lofty standards for them to achieve. Or some people may strive to separate from their dysfunctional families and try to reach great success in their profession. It seems laudable and worthy of respect: self-reliance and autonomy. However, the problem lies in these unrealistic standards that are often unattainable.
In case of a setback, perfectionists tend to engage in severe self-criticism and self-blame instead of working on their mistakes. Even when accomplishing intermediate goals towards their ultimate aspiration, perfectionists generally feel unimpressed by small victories and focus solely on extremes of success or failure. This endless quest may trigger anxiety, depressive states, low self-esteem, intense stress, and even suicidal thoughts. Consequently, perfectionists are prone to failure due to their procrastination, fear of failure, or lack of confidence.
How to replace perfectionism?
A healthy alternative to perfectionism is excellence, which entails establishing challenging goals without damaging self-criticism in case of failure. Those who follow the principles of excellence are more flexible: they’re open to novel things, search for unusual ways of problem-solving, and accept life lessons courageously. Excellencists are less inclined towards burnout, procrastination, and persistent depression.
It is worth noting that perfectionism has the principle that the efforts applied are directly proportional to success in achieving the goal. However, the quality of efforts is equally important. Too much waste of time and energy may lead to adverse outcomes, such as a decline in productivity and creativity, which can directly impact the efficiency and quality of work. Excellencists, on the contrary, judiciously allocate their efforts towards realistic, achievable goals, maintaining a sensible balance between work and rest, thus contributing successful completion of tasks.
On the way to excellence
Becoming a perfectionist happens over time, which means you can overcome it. Make it your new goal and start small. Here are some guidelines to help you through this:
- Choose an activity where you strive for perfection. It may be related to work, personal life, or appearance. Whatever it may be, you have to be convinced: not achieving the ideal in this area is equally defeat.
- Make a list of what should be perfect for you in the chosen activity. Let’s say you enjoy hosting gatherings for friends at your home. What aspects of that experience are most important to you: spotless house, great food or entertaining after a hearty dinner?
- Take a close look at your list and choose an aspect that doesn’t necessarily need to be perfect. It could be anything: from no fancy meal to piling up some dust in your living space. Then, pay attention to how you feel about this change. Has it affected your overall enjoyment of the experience?
Gradually expand the list by adding new items, including other areas of your life.
Remember, breaking free from perfectionism won’t happen overnight, but every small step counts. You’ll be on your way to a more relaxed and satisfying life by focusing on what truly matters and allowing yourself to let unnecessary expectations go.
