Some, if not many, may be familiar with the feeling of embarrassment after a wild party. Isn’t there a similar feeling when you deliberately or accidentally allow yourself to say something personal, and then bitterly regret it? And we want to turn back the clock so much and do things differently, but then nothing can be done. Or are you the kind of person who always has your armor with you and you never allow yourself that kind of liberty; you are the kind of person who is used to controlling your words, your actions, even your emotions? Why did I mention armor in this context? Let’s analyze.

Vulnerable people and their opposites

According to Merriam-Webster, vulnerability is the capability to be physically or emotionally wounded. The first thing that caught my attention in this definition is “capability”. Yes, indeed, not everyone allows themselves the luxury of being vulnerable. Why? Obviously, to protect themselves, to keep safe, or to avoid being hurt. Many people try to reduce their openness, sincerity, and honesty and build an impenetrable fortress around them (that’s what I meant when I mentioned the armor earlier).

Except that in this case, such protection is not a sign of strength, but rather of weakness. This is the belief held by Brené Brown, a professor at the University of Houston who has been studying the issue of vulnerability for many years. And, you know, I agree with her. After all, even allowing the possibility of being vulnerable, with no fear of being ridiculed or rejected after one’s “revelations”… Isn’t that what real courage is for? Isn’t that a sign of real strength? Vulnerable people are not afraid to be imperfect, on the contrary, this is how they demonstrate themselves, trying to get closer to those, who will see them as real and accept them with all their flaws and charms.

If a person acts the other way around, does anyone recognize the real him or her and determine their compatibility (friendly, loving, whatever…)? It’s hard to say. And the relationship develops, people get used to each other, become attached… But sooner or later the person’s true self will reveal itself, and bitter disappointment will most likely be experienced by both parties. This reminds me of the tale of Cinderella when all the gloss melted away after midnight. So maybe it’s better to be open, sincere, and honest and determine right away whether or not you’re right for each other. Because it’s far from certain that the truth will be liked and everyone will live happily ever after.

How to be vulnerable and have no regrets

But how do not experience the major side effects (shame, regret, anxiety) after a personal revelation? To avoid this and to get the desired results from your “confession” it is important to remember:

  1. Not everything is as scary as you think. According to research, vulnerable people are more painful about their openness than others. Have you ever communicated with vulnerable people? Did you feel interested and connected to that person or did you want to distance yourself from them? I would be willing to bet that it’s the first option. Why? Because it’s a living, non-ideal, natural person in front of you. And by the way, it is very conducive, you want to act in the same way.
  2. Get close and build trust. As mentioned earlier, vulnerable people reveal themselves to make social contact. A topic of conversation or a life story will likely bring you closer to your conversation partner by reminding them of something similar in their personal experience.
  3. Learn a life lesson. If you have regrets about something you said, think about why you said it: did you say it by accident or on purpose? To avoid feeling regret, define for yourself the taboo subjects, which you cannot talk about at the first opportunity. This way, you won’t feel guilty about being too honest.
  4. A plan of action for the future. If you want to tone down your level of openness, first keep a sober mind (literally). Consider maybe the cause of your vulnerability is often alcohol and the amount of consumed that truth potion. Secondly, if you remembered something personal and very amusing and ready to speak your heart, take your time and think carefully about the decision. And thirdly, answer the question. For what purpose are you trying so hard: to get closer to the person or just because you are bored and want to communicate? If it’s just for communication, you probably shouldn’t try so hard.

Well, the consequences of vulnerability may not be pleasant or desirable, but more often they are worth the suffering. After all, when a person is vulnerable and behaves naturally, it is much easier to get the message across and to communicate. Coping with the side effects of vulnerability is difficult only at the beginning of the journey because you learn, show more and more courage and adjust your behavior.